Taken in large part from St. Mary of Egypt's Handbook for Members and Future Members by Archimandrite John (Townsend)

The greatest joy in this life is the worship of God in His Church.  It is most important that we prepare ourselves well for this joy by coming properly dressed to church and by worshipping in a humble, orderly, and pious manner during the services. This is not done out of an arbitrary desire to enforce some pointless archaic standard on the people, but to magnify the beauty and prayerfulness of the service and reverence towards God. Following proper church etiquette helps not only the individual but the entire congregation to accomplish this God-pleasing goal by eliminating improper worship "traditions" and distractions, and by encouraging healthy, traditional pious worship practices. 

Non-Orthodox visitors are not obligated to follow all of these points of etiquette. If you are a non-Orthodox visitor, we simply ask that you dress appropriately, and sit or stand in a place of your choosing, and respectfully observe the service. You may sit the entire service if you prefer. Parishioners of St. Elizabeth should be careful not to deputize themselves as watchdog-enforcers of this church etiquette. If someone enters the church doing something improper out of ignorance, parishioners should greet them warmly and politely, and should take discernment in whether to guide them. For example, someone dressing inappropriately (unless its inappropriate even by the standards of secular society for public dress) does not need to be told to leave and go home and change their dress, nor do they even need to be told to dress more appropriately for the next service. They will observe and see they stick out like a sore thumb, and if they choose to return it is without a doubt they will be dressed in a more modest manner. 

Firstly, how do we dress for church? Pious dress reflects inner piety, and also influences it as well. Our clothes should be clean and respectful, not casual or flashy.  They should reflect the honor that we have for “the place where Thy glory dwelleth.” 

Men and boys must wear long pants, closed-toe shoes, a long-sleeve shirt without slogans, and uncover their heads.

Women and girls must and wear a skirt or dress below the knee, long sleeves, and must refrain from wearing something with a low neckline or which is backless. Orthodox and catechumen women must cover their heads. Women should also refrain from wearing make up, especially lipstick, as kissing icons with lipstick not only damages them but is considered sacreligious and thus sinful.

Non-Orthodox women who are visiting the church are invited to wear a headscarf and a skirt, but at the very least they should dress modestly and cover their legs, arms, and not wear anything skin-tight or otherwise inappropriate for a church setting.

Secondly, how do we enter and leave church? 

We should make our best attempt to arrive early, ideally at the beginning of the reading of the Hours 20 minutes before Liturgy and 5 minutes before any other service. Unforeseen circumstances occur and people, especially large families, can arrive late. We need not worry about such instances, but we must avoid making showing up late a habit. We should note, however, that if one arrives after the reading of the Gospel, they are not permitted to partake of Holy Communion that day.

Having come in good time to the church we enter it with reverence, joy and thanksgiving.  At the outer doors we make the sign of the cross and bow one or three times before the icon.  Before entering the church space itself, we take this time to buy any candles or write names on proskomedi slips. When entering the main church space, we again make the sign of the cross three times with bows (or prostrations during weekdays of fasts) as we say:  (1) Thou hast created me, O Lord, have mercy.  (2) O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.  (3) Countless times have I sinned, O Lord, forgive me.  We then proceed to the icons and before each we make the sign of the cross twice with bows (or prostrations during weekdays of fasts), kiss the icon placing our forehead on it, and then make the sign of the cross with a final bow (prostration).

As we put candles for the living and the departed we pray briefly for each person by name. We may also venerate other icons around the church as well so long as the service hasn't started yet.  When we have finished venerating the icons, we find a place where we will stand during the service.  When leaving church, we follow the order described in reverse.  As we leave the church it is most important that we take with us into the world the grace of God which has been given us so that our lives may be sanctified and protected by it.

Thirdly, how do we stand during church services?

Standing is the normal Orthodox posture for worship. We stand as sons and daughters of the God Whom we worship knowing that He is God over us and that we are His children. Standing is the posture that gives us the greatest possibility of using the strength and effort required to worship God with all our being from the depths of our heart. While there are various points in the services where one is permitted to sit, during the Liturgy no sitting is permitted after "Catechumens depart" except for when the curtain closes at "The Holy Things are for the Holy." Our hands should be at our sides always ready to make the sign of the cross at appropriate times during the Divine Services and not crossed over our chests, behind our backs, or in our pockets.

There can never be talking during the Divine Services. If something needs to be urgently discussed it should be done outside of church.  The Lord is in His holy temple; let all the earth be reverent before Him.  (Habakkuk 2:20) It is essential that we exert our full strength in keeping our hearts and minds on the central task, that is, the worship of Almighty God, listening to the psalmody, hymns, prayers, readings and instruction with our full attention and with pure hearts inasmuch as it is possible for us.  The physical brain which is wont to wander must be forced to do its duty, and we must employ our soul to bring it back time and again from its willful wanderings.

Obviously there are exceptions, the disabled, the sick, the elderly, and those who perhaps are suddenly feeling unwell, are permitted to sit during the divine services, knowing that God sees them standing at attention before Him in their hearts. We should also have our cellphones turned off or silenced. Due to the distraction it causes, no video or photography is permitted without the blessing of the parish clergy. Neither is there permitted any no food, drink, or gum in the church. 

Fourthly, how should we attend to our children during the services?

Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.  (Mark 10:14)

How important it is that we bring our children to church every Lord’s Day (Sunday) and Great Feast and to the Vigils the night before! They should know that being in the church is the most important part of their life. In a very real sense they, in their innocence, deserve to be in the church much more than any of the rest of us. It is essential that we teach them with the greatest care how to behave in church. Otherwise, they may come to think of the church as no more than an extension of their playroom.

From the very beginning children should be taught that the church is the most special place on earth, none other than the house of God. They should know for sure that they belong there. At the same time they must be taught that their behavior in church must be most special as well. They must not bring their toys there, because the church is not the place to play or to drag other children away from the church services.  They should not lay down flat on the ground, nor should children over the age of 7 sit down except at the appointed times. Children should never be allowed to freely crawl on the floor and certainly never to walk about or to run in church during the services. We may think that our children are cute when they do such things, but we have an awesome task in church, the worship of God, and it must not be distracted even by the cute actions of an innocent child. Children at church should be with their parents at all times, and parents must be responsible for the safety and behavior of their children. The laity should assist the parents in this hugely important task by not enabling any misbehavior or rambunctiousness on the childrens' parts or encouraging them to be distracted, for example by making faces at them or praising them for how cute they might be. With that being said, no one should ever discipline another parishioner's child. If there is a serious issue with child misbehavior, the parish clergy will calmly address it with the parents.

If children persist in loudly talking, crying, trying to run or crawl or play, they must be taken out until they can again take up the task of worship to the very best of their ability. During children’s early years parents may often spend a lot of time in other parts of the church away from the services for the sake of good order. It is part of being a good parent, and God rewards our efforts in fulfilling this sacred responsibility, however the parents should be careful not to "reward" a child's boredom with church by taking them out of the Liturgy to play with other "bored" children. 

Children should NEVER be given screens to placate them in church, as this teaches them to be totally irreverent of God and ignore the Divine services. Nor should children be given access to screens as a way to pass time, as this will cause them to become mentally, emotionally, and spiritually disabled! Here at St. Elizabeth's it is forbidden for children to have access to a screen whilst on church grounds, whether during a worship service or not! As an aside, we should also refrain from enrolling our children in heterodox private schools, as this will lead them to grow up confused, not to mention they may need to be rechrismated if they are unwittingly taking part in another church's invalid sacraments. No parish members of St. Elizabeth are permitted to enroll their children in such schools. 

Children should be brought regularly to Holy Communion, as much as possible in fact. Their fasting and prayer rule should be discussed with the parents’ father confessor as the children advance in years.  Those who bring infants to Holy Communion should cradle their heads in their right arm and hold both arms and legs. We must be very attentive to make sure very young children do not accidentally spill or spit out Holy Communion. Pacifiers should be removed from the mouths of babies before receiving and not given again until after the baby has eaten something following communion.

May God help us all to worship Him in body, mind, and soul, both in this age whilst we stand aright in His holy chapels, churches, and cathedrals, and in the age to come when we will be joined in perfect and ever-perfecting communion with Him for all eternity. Amen!

In Christ,

Fr. Theodore