The Confusion about Confession

It is unfortunate that many Orthodox Christians nowadays hold various misconceptions about the Holy Mystery of Confession. A large number of American Orthodox Christians go to confession only seasonally, some only once per year at Lent, or "when they feel like it." Some treat confession as a therapy session with the priest where they can "blow off steam" about their problems. Some people confess only some sins but intentionally leave other sins they recollect out of their confession. Some people don't prepare at all to confess, they neither pray, nor do they try to think about all the sins they want to confess, nor do they stop and think about how they can go about ceasing from their habitual sins, they simply walk up to the confessional and say whatever comes to mind at that moment. In this short document we will explain confession, address the most common misconceptions about this Holy Mystery, and how to properly prepare for it.

WHAT is Confession?

According to St. Nikodemus the Hagiorite, "confession is a willed, verbal revealing of one’s evil deeds and words and thoughts; solemn, accusatory, direct, without shame, decisive, to be executed before a legitimate spiritual father.” It is not a social hour to complain about one's problems, or to put the blame on someone else for one's own sins. It is a holy, humble Mystery of contrite self-condemnation before God and His witness the priest. At the end of Confession, the priest places his stole (aka epitrahil) over the penitent sinner's head, and prays for the merciful God to forgive and cleanse the sinner of their sins.

Is Confession Necessary?

We are all sinners in need of the forgiveness of God. If we wish to be forgiven, we need to first repent, which means to cease sinning and reorient our thinking and our way of life in an attempt to cease a sin for good. We then must go and seek the forgiveness of God through the holy seal of Confession to a priest. 

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us." (1 John 1:8-10)

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed." (James 5:16)

Some say that Confession is not necessary since Holy Communion gives "the remission of sins and life everlasting" to those who partake. This is a very grave misunderstanding. Holy Communion burns up the sins and passions only of those who:

1. Repent of their sins,
2. Confess their sins to a priest,
3. And receive a blessing from the priest to partake of Holy Communion.

However, for those who willfully or even ignorantly do not do these three things, the fearful, awesome, and Holy Body and Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ instead becomes to them "a burning fire that scorches the unworthy." (St. Symeon Metaphrastes, Canon of Preparation for Holy Communion.)

This is a fearful thing, as the Holy Apostle Paul once warned the Corinthians, "Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body. For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep." (Cor 11:27-30) 

What is the remedy against such a terrible spiritual state? To examine ourselves, to judge and condemn ourselves before God. When we judge ourselves as guilty before God and ask for His forgiveness, then He removes the judgement and punishment for our sins and absolves us freely. St. Paul continues, "For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged.  But when we are judged, we are chastened by the Lord, that we may not be condemned with the world." (Cor 11:31-32) How is this judgement of ourselves accomplished? Through confessing our sins to God through His witness on Earth, the canonical Orthodox clergyman.

Who Do We Confess To?

We confess to God through the witness of canonically ordained Orthodox priests who have received the grace of the priesthood from an Orthodox bishop. It is not the priest who absolves the sinner, he is merely a witness, an unworthy holder of the glorious priestly rank which Christ bestowed with the power to loose and to bind sins. 

“Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." (Matthew 18:18)

How Often Should We Confess?

The Holy Fathers of the Church and all of Her saints uninamously advised frequent confession. This usually meant anywhere from once per month to once per week. The length of time is usually determined by one's confessor or spiritual father. Why do we confess frequently? Because we are constantly sinning, and the less frequently we confess, the more power our passions will have over our lives. However, when we confess frequently and genuinely (ie: with fervent repentance and contrition) then the opposite happens, the passions within us are gradually weakened.

As St. Nikodemus the Hagiorite once wrote, "Confess all the time, not only when you have committed some great sin unto death... but when you commit some small and pardonable [sins]... as the wounds when they are shown to a doctor, do not increase, so and sins when they are confessed, do not grow." 

We Must Repent Before We Confess.

Before we approach confession, we must have repented of the sins we wish to confess. It is the highest hypocrisy and abuse of God's loving kindness towards man, and not to mention a very grave sin, to confess sins which we have no intention of truly repenting of. How do we repent? St. Theophan the Recluse breaks down repentance in four simple steps.

1. Step one is "the decision to flee from your sins." 
2. Step two is "to plan and decide how to do this successfully, so that you can begin the actual healing of yourself from this moment on."
3. Step three is take note of own's shortcomings and sins and prayerfully consider the best way to fight these sins. It is naive to think one will change their life with only the desire to do so, but without actually changing how they think and act. St. Theophan suggests listing out one's own sins and writing prescriptions as to how to fight them, but asking one's confessor or spiritual father at confession is fine as well if one is having trouble.
4. Step four is to pray for help to repent. "Along with mourning for one's sins and resolving not to sin, it is necessary to add diligent prayer to the Lord so that He will grant His help in opposing sin, and also to believe that the Lord will not withhold such help. Christians must possess the firm conviction that the sins they mourn and confess and promise to flee from are forgiven by the Lord's grace for the sake of His death on the Cross. They must also believe that at the same time the Divine blessing is being given for the avoidance of sin by virtue of that same death on the Cross. This blessing is bestowed in the presence of a strong resolution not to sin and a clear and firm belief in Christ the Savior." 

How Do We Prepare for Confession?

We should not approach confession without at least some preparation, especially if we have not confessed for a long time. Once we have repented using the method above, we should write down all the sins we can remember we have committed from our previous confession. We should never approach confession without doing this very important step unless if we confess very frequently and have a good memory. It is incredibly difficult for a clergyman to help someone along who has not prepared at all for confession. It is not the priest's job to examine a penitent's conscience for them, but to give counsel and pray for God to unburden it. Thankfully there are many helpful confessional documents which assist in jogging one's memory about the sins he has committed, such as the one provided at the bottom of this page, by listing out some of the most common sins one can commit. Reading over these guides with prayer can help us to clean our souls out of the spiritual junk we might have forgotten about over the years. 

We should also condemn ourselves for the sins we have recollected. We should do this in a quiet place, prayerfully before our icons. This generally involves quietly thinking about our sins, about the unrepentant sinners who condemn themselves to Hell, about being separated from God for all eternity, about having wronged our Lord Jesus Christ Who suffered so much for us. If one does this for just 5 minutes he might be surprised at the grace that descends and produces pained sighs, or perhaps even tears over his sins, which uplift a repentant sinner and burn sin and the demons who tempt us to sin. The sinner who lays the groundwork in this way will have a powerful confession. 

How Do We Confess?

Confession is not a place to complain about our lives, to tell stories, to joke, to ramble, and especially not a place to excuse ourselves from our sins or point the finger at other for our sins. Nor is it a place to praise ourselves and say, "I have not done this, I am doing better against this or that sin." Confession is a self-appointed judgement which frees us from the fearful consequences of the Final Judgement of our God. When we appear before a worldly judge for even the slightest infraction, like a speeding ticket for example, we make sure dress appropriately, we are careful to respect all the regulations of the courthouse, we are dilligent to show repentant we are by sacrificing our time and money to take defensive driving courses, and we might even tremble with fear to await the judge's decision.

Now let us consider the awesome and terrible Last Judgement, when it is not the trivial threat of a fine or community service that looms over us, but of eternal separation from God and the punishment of everlasting hellfire, which was never intended for man, but which he ultimately chooses himself when he sins and chooses not to repent. When one considers that even the darkest and most depraved sinner who humbly and regretfully confesses their sins before God and asks for His forgiveness is easily freed from the fearful Judgement at the end of time, he comes to understand the great mercy of our God, as well as the great reverence one should have towards the Holy Mystery of Confession. 

St. Nikodemus the Hagiorite explains in his Manual of Confession that in order to properly confess our sins, we must be:

1. Accusatory. We must freely admit that we alone are the cause of our sins. If we bring up other people in our confession, it is only to give deeper context for how bad we sinned, not in order to tell on them or alleviate the blame.
2. Honest. We must confess our sins plainly, just as they are, without any affectations or sugarcoating. 
3. Contrite. We must have regret for having offended God and wronged others for our actions. 
4. Complete. We must confess our sins to the fullest extent, giving context for how deeply we have sinned. 
5. Humble. We must avoid worldly shame or embarassment of our sins. Shame is not humility. Shame is a negative feeling of pride, which is when one assumes they are a saint or a really good person. When a proud person shamefully considers their sins, they say, "How could I have done such a thing? Me, the great one who does so many good things?" When a humble person considers their sins, they say, "What else could be expected of me? These sins are true representations of my inner state, and this saddens me. Even so, please forgive me, O Merciful God, and with Your help I will struggle against my passions." 

The easiest way to achieve these 5 points of a proper confession is to give context for our sins. Giving context for the severity of the sin not only helps the priest to guide the sinner, but the frank and humble admission of just how sinful we are is the only way to be healed. For example: If we say, "I have stolen," does it make sense to neglect to mention that in committing the sin of stealing, we stole money from a beggar, thus causing a helpless and suffer person even more suffering? What about if we committed this sin when we were 7, out of childish ignorance? Is it the same as when a person commits this sin at 27, when he undoubtedly knows better? What if we committed this sin once? Is it the same as when one has committed this sin habitually over the period of several years, having left a wake of tears and bitterness in his path? 

The Holy Fathers have described the Church as a hospital. If the Church is a hospital, Confession is the operation room where wounds are revealed and healing methods are applied. As St. Theophan the Recluse once wrote, "Undoubtedly you will be forgiven, but first you must confess your transgressions without concealment.  Know that only an open wound can be treated, only exposed dirt can be cleansed, only those bonds that are shown can be untied.  Beware, lest you leave unhealed, uncleansed and enslaved."

When we refuse to confess the fullness of our sins, the Holy Fathers describe this action as if a foolish person were to knowingly have a festering wound deep within his flesh, but he only reveals what appears to be a little pink scab on the exterior to the doctor. Not only will the person not be healed, but he will undoubtedly become worse. The same is true for neglecting to reveal the depth of our sins, not only does the confessor/spiritual father not apply the correct spiritual healing method since the penitent has lied by omission, but Christ the Chief Physician does not forgive the sinner. 

St. Nikodemus the Hagiorite further explains that our confession must reveal the depth of our sins (when applicable) by clearly stating:

1. Who is the person that did the sin? Is the penitent a layman, a father, a clergyman, a public person? 
2. What is the sin that was committed? 
3. Why did the sinner commit it? What was the intention behind it?
4. When was it committed and at what age if long ago? Was it during a Holy Fast or on a Sunday/Great Feast day? 
5. How many times was it committed or for how long ? We don't need to remember every single instance, but to say that it was done once, a few times, several times, or countless times for example. 
6. Where was it committed? In a sacred space? Near one's icons? In a public place which caused a scandal? 
7. In what manner was it committed? What other circumstances were there? For example, someone says they became angry and hit someone. Did the penitent merely push someone and walk away, or did they attack someone and beat them unconcious?

When we completely and honestly confess our sins in this way, we reveal the depth of our spiritual wounds and thus we receive healing when the priest asks God to absolve us of our sins.

Fear of Confession.

Fear towards the Holy Mystery of Confession is a common, usually demonically or pridefully inspired feeling. 

St. Theophan the Recluse once wrote, "Some fear the priest-confessor. He is merely a witness, the Lord accepts our sins. It is He Who commands the confessor to give absolution to the person who confesses; it is the Lord Who is merciful. He is just waiting for a person to confess his sins, and as soon as he does, He immediately forgives him. What is there to fear from such a Lord? Others fear Confession because they are not sure what should be said at Confession. Others fear Confession because they rarely confess. If such people were to confess more often, they would not be afraid...

"When fear comes before Confession, drive it away. Reverential fear of God is something that is very valuable, but childish fear is harmful. It has nothing to do with the matter; it is something the demons cause. The main thing in repentance is the anguish of the heart over being deficient in the Lord's eyes and a firm resolution to try to be diligent in the future. No matter how few your sins are and how minor they are, all the same they are sins and come under Divine disfavor."

The Joy of Repentance and Hope in God's Mercy That Comes From a Good Confession

+ Saint John Chrysostom -

No sin is so great that it can conquer the munificence of the Master. Even if one is a fornicator, or an adulterer ... the power of the gift and the love of the Master are great enough to make all these sins disappear and to make the sinner shine more brightly than the rays of the sun ....

And Christ Himself, addressing the whole human race, said: "Come unto Me, all ye who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest ...."

+ Saint Isaac the Syrian -

"Repentance is fitting at all times and for all persons, for sinners as well as for the righteous who look for salvation. There are no bounds to perfection, for even the perfection of the most perfect is nothing but imperfection. Hence, until the moment of death, neither the time nor the works of perfection can ever be complete."

+ Saint John of Karpathos -

"Do all in your power not to fall, for the strong athlete should not fall. But if you do fall, get up again at once and continue the contest. Even if you fall a thousand times ... rise up again each time, and keep on doing this until the day of your death. For it is written, 'If a righteous man falls seven times'--that is, repeatedly throughout his life--'seven times shall he rise again.'"

+ Saint John of the Ladder -

"It is the property of angels not to fall, and even, as some say, it is quite impossible for them to fall. It is the property of men to fall, and to rise again as often as this may happen. But it is the property of devils, and devils alone, not to rise once they have fallen."

+ Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk - 

“There is more mercy in God than there are sins in us. Confess your sins at once, whatever they may be.”

“Sinners that repent are still saved; both publicans and fornicators cleansed by repentance enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. The compassionate God still calls to Himself all that have turned away, and He awaits them and promises them mercy. The loving Father still receives His prodigal sons come back from a far country and He opens the doors of His house and clothes them in the best robe, and gives them each a ring on their hand and shoes on their feet and commands all the saints to rejoice in them.”

+ Saint Paisios the Athonite - 

“The Lord calls to Him all sinners; He opens His arms wide, even to the worst among them. Gladly He takes them in His arms, if only they will come to Him.”

+ Saint John of Kronstadt -

"Never despair in God's mercy by whatever sins you may have been bound by the temptation of the Devil, but pray with your whole heart, with the hope of forgiveness; knock at the door of God's mercy and it shall be opened unto you."

"What are your sins in comparison to God's mercy, whatever they be, if only you truly repent of them?"

+ Elder Ephraim of Arizona -

"When you fall, rise, and when you sin, repent. Just never let the poison of despair penetrate into your heart, seeing the great sea of God's compassion. No matter how many sins one commits, they go away and vanish in the sea of God's goodness."

Let Us Run With Joy to Confession

Therefore, brethren, we have nothing to fear when we approach our God seeking forgiveness and help in our struggles. Having faith in the boundless love of God for us sinners, let us ask for His help in properly repenting and confessing our falls to Him. Amen.